Between the cell phones, emails, television, work, meetings, family, friends, even church commitments, it is amazing that we ever actually accomplish any task we begin. I really wonder if we do complete any tasks before starting a new one.
So, the question that screamed out at me from hundreds of miles away was, "Why could you shut it all off while in mission, but immediately allow it to interfere again when you return to the United States?"
A good question, one which I am still struggling with. Right now, as I write, my cell phone is at my left hand, the internet radio is playing, and my email is churning along in the background (behind the very screen on which I type.) These are all a part of me, somehow, and not easily laid down. I could do it while traveling, but that was almost a necessity as there was limited connection (imagine my trying to check the ballgames!) It was as if God said, “No, not here; I will block your signals and you have to focus on me.”
So again, why not that same thing here? Probably because I have set myself up as the top of the hill, go-to guy with all of the answers. I know that God waits to hear from me and lead me along the narrow path that is His. I know that my way is the easy way, even as I complain that it is so hard. It is curious, this illusion of self-importance, that this can lead me in ways that were I to just consider the possible outcomes, I would likely not choose consciously. What in the world is wrong with me?
In short, I am human. To be precise, I am a flawed man. I know this. I have proven this over and over again. I have even confessed this to any who will listen. While I find that I am slowly turning onto the path that God has for me, I often step off on my own, usually intentionally, and stray away until I lose sight of the correct path, and struggle to find my way back, before I just simply ask God to lead me by the hand back to His road. It is in these times that I find myself most at ease, though most out of my comfort zone. He tells me to relax, He has control, and I only need do what He tells me. Wow! How easy is that?
I suppose that it is an immense step in the right direction to realize these things; small comfort to a mind that is seeking peace in a world as distracting as I allow mine to be. With each small step I take in His ways, I find I am less likely to run from Him, and when I do, not as far. Knowing that I am not, and will not be, perfect is one way to see who I really am. The closer I get to Him and the further I walk along with Him, the better I am. I know this.
My phone is still at my left hand, and the internet radio is still noisily playing along, as is my email in the background. But, while I have been at the task of writing this, I find that I have two missed calls, and have not even heard any songs or checked my emails. I suppose I can work beyond these things.
We really do serve an awesome God, and sometimes we need to stop and remember that.
