To the Men I know: Love Your Wives

 Let me speak to the men:

As a man who has been blessed by the God of the universe with an amazing, lovely, Spirit filled bride, I have to speak to something that has been bothering me lately. Too often now I have heard of men, men who believe and serve Christ, using God’s Word to bludgeon their wives unto submission. The most egregious being Ephesians 5:22 used as a tool to chain her.

'Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. '

Oh my, what damage can be done when men hold this over their women. There are men out there, many I know, who use these words to control and subjugate their wives. It feeds their narcissism and puts them on a higher pedestal.

I am not a pastor or trained theologian, but I know the Lord and His Word is true, and, taken in context brings joy and peace, a direction in a confusing world. But one cannot cherry pick to fit an agenda, create a personal narrative or force one’s will upon another.

Let us look at the scripture that surrounds Ephesian 5:22.

22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Ephesian 5:22-31 NKJV

I find it interesting, really noticing this last night for the first time, how Paul speaks simply to the wives (vv22-24) while explaining to the husbands the reasons for these instructions (vv25-31.) Obviously there is a reason for him to speak to the men in this way. . . .

Men, start with “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (v25) Nowhere are we told to beat our wives, to deride, mock or hold our wives as if a slave. We are told to “Love your wives.” Further, as we add context, Paul explains why he is giving us this direction:

“26that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”

When you read the why we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, it becomes obvious that it is our responsibility to lead her (and our family.) I cannot (will not) add to what this verse says . . . it is especially obvious. And I am truly humbled when I see how special He sees our wives to be that he would instruct us so.

The rest of this is (vv28-31) what I would call the benefit of the prior verses.

“28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Leading up to these directions, Paul was speaking to the church at Ephesus and told them to submit to one another as well.

“17Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, 19speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, 20giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21submitting to one another in the fear of God.” Ephesians 5:17-21 NKJV

I present this to say to the men (men I know well, men who love and serve God) do not be deceived when the enemy says, “See, your bible says treat your wives as slaves and second class because they have to submit to you.”  

Your wife, the one that God put by your side, is a partner, helper, confidant, supporter and cheerleader. She is the one who loves you in the way that Jesus does with all of your faults and dirty laundry and baggage that should make you unlovable. I do not want to imagine my world where I do not have my lovely bride cheering me on and encouraging me, allowing me in my “mandom” to lead her and my family.

Be a man of God. Start by loving the Lord, then loving your wife and family as you are instructed.

I pray:

Thank you, Lord, for your word. Thank you for waking me at 0200 and showing me this to share. I pray that we (me especially) can live as you will, in a way that glorifies and honors you. Continue to pour into us and lead us in your Spirit, showing us with each day how to better lead and serve our families, communities and those whom we may be an influence on. Let your will be done in and through us. In the precious name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.